Adult Blogger: TUGJOBS TUG JOBS still remember after I retired from porn I drove over to Hill Creek and sat on the riverbank for an hour just looking at the water pass by. I felt so lonely that I started to cry. I dropped on my knees and cried like a baby. I realized that in spite of all the fame, if I was to die at that moment, no one would miss me. The millions of fans who jerk off at my images would find some one else to jerk off at. My loss from this world will be noticed by none! That was a very shattering thought because it makes you look back in your life and wonder what went wrong? As I looked back to the days I had lived, I realized that I had only two friends in my whole life. One was my father and the other was Tori. If I could find any comfort it would be in the hands of just these two. My father had passed away so I had to find Tori. At that very moment I made up my mind that I would go back and look for Tori. By finding her I would be able to find myself.
The last time I saw her she was about to leave for Boston with Jack. I did not know where I should look for her. My instincts told me to go back to New York where we lived together in the apartment. It made no sense but something inside me told me that I had to go back there. Three days later I was on board the flight to New York.
